Dear Ellie: At a recent get-together with a long-time friend and her husband, and two other couples I met for the first time, one husband purposefully came on to me.
I was shocked. I still feel two weeks later, as if I’d been targeted as a potential cheater!
My husband and I, both mid-40s, have been together for 12 years, now married (the second time for each). We’re fully committed to our union, and to our own and each other’s two children.
At the party, a male guest cornered me, saying he wanted “to get to know (me).” He stood uncomfortably close, so I backed up a little but there was a sofa in the way and I had no desire to sit with him.
He said he knew my ex … and that’s a no-go topic for me. So, he asked me, “What are you afraid of? Is this husband the jealous type?”
Again, I tried to exit that tight space, and he blurted out an ugly comment and rude come-on. It was that he always knew that my ex “wasn’t enough for a woman like you! But I am!”
Furious, I backed him up with a cold stare and my voice almost hissing that he “never speak to me again.” I headed for the washroom to steady myself, rejoined my husband briefly, then apologized to my hostess that I had developed a severe migraine headache and we had to go home.
My two questions: 1) Do I tell my husband what actually happened? 2)What do I make of that statement about “a woman like you?”
Furious but Curious
Stay with “furious” and drop “curious.” There’s no information you need from this man who basically was looking for a hook-up, trying to tweak your interest through saying he knew your husband and had private information.
He should’ve backed off the minute he saw your reaction. But his type persists, because he’s used to cheating.
Tell your husband right away. You did nothing wrong and better he hears about it from you, then a twisted gossip version. And ignore that man’s comment. He doesn’t know you.
What matters is the great relationship you have in your marriage. It’s the mutual commitment between you and your husband that makes another man’s brash curiosity and attempts at cheating a waste of his time and yours.
Dear Ellie: I’m 71 and live a full life. I still work part-time and though I never had children, I have many nieces and nephews and a wonderful group of friends. Divorced twice, I have no intention of marrying again.
But people still ask me: Don’t you want a boyfriend? Don’t you want to marry again? Aren’t you lonely? Do you regret not having had children? I always answer “No,” but they can’t seem to accept it.
I’m happy on my own! How do I stop this silly nonsense of their questioning me?
Alone and Happy
Lucky you! Not only do you have friends and family who care about you, but also you are certain within yourself that you’re living exactly as you desire, and enjoying all your choices.
Stay connected to the people who understand and appreciate your preferred lifestyle and pay little attention to those who keep looking for your “regrets.” Trust me, you’ll silence them with the fact that you have none, period.
You’re wise, and know that some other changes that don’t include the so-called need for a boyfriend or husband, may be on the horizon. Stay fit, active, healthy, keep working part-time if you enjoy it. There are many great years ahead.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who wrote that her family life doesn’t make her happy (Nov. 30):
Reader – “Most women who stay married feel this way. I sometimes feel similarly after 30-plus years married.
“My husband will also ask me, “What is it that you want?”
“Through a little counselling, I got the same advice Ellie gave this woman for free. I exercise and walk. I wasn’t initially an animal-lover, but our dog has added a lot of joy to the family.
“Also, this time of year is when my friends feel similarly, possibly because we watch Hallmark movies and forget that life isn’t easy and a dream.
“I taught my kids that no one is “happy” all the time, that being content is the goal to seek.
“Watching friends and family break up over the years, I’ve also seen some regret it. The children suffer, quite often.
“Hang in there and plan positive changes together.”
Ellie’s tip of the Day
Do not dwell on the actions of someone you don’t know nor will ever respect.
Send relationship questions to [email protected].
