Few artists have a neat origin story, but Kathleen Hanna, and celebrated frontwoman whose rallying cry of 鈥済irls to the front鈥� inspired generations, may have a pretty convincing one.
While in college in the late '80s, Hanna signed up for a writers' workshop led by her hero, the postmodern novelist Kathy Acker. The author asked Hanna why she wanted to write. Hanna responded, 鈥淏ecause no one has listened to me my whole life and I really want to be heard.鈥�
Acker's feedback? 鈥淵ou should start a band.鈥�
鈥淲ho gets gifted this? Sometimes I鈥檓 like, is life a stimulation and am I in a weird video game?,鈥� Hanna jokes over the phone from her home in Pasadena, California. 鈥淚 kind of always knew I was going to write this, especially because weird s鈥�- kept happening to me, and the universe kept giving me stories with a beginning, middle and end.鈥�
In 鈥淩ebel Girl: My Life as a Feminist Punk,鈥� Hanna 鈥� known for her bands Bikini Kill, Le Tigre and the Julie Ruin, whose songs chastised abusers and celebrated girls, and as a force of the , which brought third-wave feminism to an underground generation and was later commodified into 鈥� accesses new levels of candor.
Out Tuesday, the bulk of the book concerns 鈥�'90s Kathleen,鈥� as she describes it.
鈥淎t some point I was like, 鈥業 need to write all this down so I can move on,'" she says.
Across the memoir, Hanna writes with the same spirit of her bands, but without the exorcism-like delivery of her music, it can weigh heavy on the soul. There are moments of male violence and creative triumph. She details a childhood plagued by an alcoholic father that placed her an 鈥渢he incest continuum," as she'd learn while volunteering at a domestic violence shelter, and a mother who struggled but supported her creative ambitions 鈥� an uncomfortable and riveting inside look at an artist who, for many music fans, is viewed at a super-heroic distance.
鈥淚鈥檝e always kind of hated the 鈥榶ou鈥檙e a badass woman鈥� thing,鈥� she says.
鈥淚鈥檓 a dirty napkin as much as , people!鈥� she laughs. In conversation as in her book, Hanna moves effortlessly from wicked humor to disturbing truth-telling.
鈥淚t鈥檚 a very strange sensation to have the public viewpoint be, 鈥榊ou鈥檙e this, you know, badass woman on stage, superhero, feminist,鈥� and one of your best friends f鈥斺�斺�� raped you. And you don鈥檛 tell anybody. And you鈥檙e still getting up on stage, you go on tour literally next day, and you play all these shows, and for years you don鈥檛 even tell your own band who knows this person.鈥�
鈥淩ebel Girl鈥� was initially 600 pages long, nearly double what it is now. Gone are stories that don't work on the page 鈥� and other accounts of abuse, including another rape and kidnapping.
鈥淚t was too much," she says. "But I still left a lot of it in, and the reason was: Millions of people have too much.鈥�
While writing the book, Hanna was diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress syndrome and entered therapy for trauma.
鈥淚鈥檝e had moments of a kind of terror flash through me and they have to do with those things of, like, not being believed or someone coming after me who鈥檚 mentioned,鈥� she says.
But if they didn't believe her? 鈥淚鈥檇 be a pretty good writer if I could make this s鈥�- up.鈥�
Elsewhere, there are stories that fans of Hanna will know well, finally presented in her own words: Like how she gave the title 鈥淪mells like Teen Spirit," which would become Nirvana's biggest hit, or how the name 鈥淏ikini Kill鈥� came from indie musician Lois Maffeo 鈥� a reference to the swimsuit design named after Bikini Atoll, where the U.S. government after Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and the images of Rita Hayworth that were taped to the side of the weapons, eventually dubbing her a 鈥渂ombshell.鈥�
Or the time Courtney Love punched her in the face at Lollapalooza in 1995. 鈥淧eople don鈥檛 see musicians, sometimes, as human. And so, they鈥檙e like, 鈥橭h, hahaha, that鈥檚 like two cartoons fighting,'" she says. "No, it was one woman walking up and physically assaulting another for no reason.鈥�
And there are other anecdotes she works to reclaim and course-correct: She's open about a lack of diversity in early riot grrrl meetings; she grapples with a tension between her public perception and personal pain.
In the latter sections of the book, Hanna details her long-time, life-threatening battle with Lyme Disease and other previously private revelations: heart-warming descriptions of her marriage to ' Adam Horovitz, a miscarriage, the adoption of her son, Julius, and the fact that she and Bikini Kill's Tobi Vail also wonder, like their fans do, what role their band and the riot grrrl movement might've played in modern identity politics 鈥� not as progenitors, but influencers.
鈥淲hen we see a 鈥榞irl power鈥� shirt at Target, we're like, 鈥榃hat do we have to do with that?鈥欌�� she muses that there is a line between what is progressive and what is punitive, and it is often obscured.
Despite those complications, the memoir ends with Hanna's bands Bikini Kill and Le Tigre reuniting, and glorious, joyous depictions of motherhood 鈥� of her son, and her mother, and her friend's children 鈥� and, in some ways, the next era of feminist punks she inspired, like the teenage band .
鈥淪he's not afraid to speak the truth," says Eloise Wong of the Linda Lindas. "I'm really lucky to have had access to her music from a young age, you know? So, I had these feminist ideas growing up.鈥�
Wong says the reason many of the ideas Hanna's work has espoused continue to connect with young people is that 鈥渟adly, a lot of the things that she talks about are still relevant today."
She pauses.
鈥淭he idea of amplifying your own voice and making yourself heard if no one鈥檚 going to listen is just, like, so cool, you know?鈥�
Maria Sherman, The Associated Press
